When I retired at the age of 53, most people thought I’d lost my mind. What the hell do you think you are doing? That was the reaction most people had until they realized I was serious, that I was done with public education and being a K-7 librarian just wasn’t what it used to be. Then they changed their tune. At least to my face they did, and there were well-wishers all around, encouraging me to go do my thing.
The first thing I did was dive head first into everything that I enjoyed, wearing all the hats. Truly, I tried to learn everything I could shove into my brain in the alotted amount of time my ass would allow me to sit in a chair each day. Writing my next novel was first priority, or so I told myself it would be. But the guilt of not bringing in as much money as I once did sort of made me feel like I had to build an at home business that might be more promising than banking on the concept of selling my next novel, since I’d only ever self-published. I had lofty ideas.
I started a podcast,…as one does in midlife when they are trying to figure themselves out. It was incredibly hard, super time consuming, and I loved ever single minute of it. I interviewed people from all over the world, we chatted about the incredible changes life throws at us and how valuable, wise, and vital we all still are even though we are past the age of fifty and gravity has long since become a real bitch. Despite the fact that we’ve hit menopause, need therapy, and are struggling to decide whether to color the gray or not, we’ve also discovered the powerful feeling of freedom that aging brings. I for one, have never been happier than I am now in my mid-fifties, (I’m fifty-five).
Along the way, I wrote a book that I queried agents about and proposed as the first in a trilogy. I started the second one, then tabled it for a wildly better idea. In between times though, I’d started a paid monthly membership to go along with the podcast, and Facebook group. I also started a book club, because obviously I didn’t have enough going on already. Did I mention I’m married too? And for some weird reason, my husband actually wanted to see my face once in a while and liked a home cooked meal periodically. This required that I get out of my cave and away from my computer now and then.
I was cruising along, nearing the two-year mark for this community I’d built, when I decided to host a live, in-person event. This went well, if not fairly small, but it was well received. I, along with my co-host who works for The Blue Zones, gave away swag, we each held a talk, and refreshments were served. It was fun. It was exhausting. I never did it again. Not because I didn’t like it, but because I realized I hate organizing shit and would much rather just show up, speak, and drink wine.
Me with Dad at my wedding day 1991
Then the most unthinkable thing happened. The person I’d leaned on my entire life and who always seemed to have the best guidance and advice for me, died. My father, my rock, the center pole to our circus in life, left this earth and I was not only shattered, I was in shock. I shouldn’t have been, as he’d been ill for a while, but you never really believe you will have to go on without your father.
But go on I did, because five days after he passed, I was scheduled to go to England, on my first ever trip abroad. I’d never even had a passport until just before this trip and although I told the family I thought there was no way I could go, they all insisted I do just that. “Dad would have wanted you to go!” they all said. Of course I knew they were right.
The trip was magical and surreal all at the same time. The majestic structures that held secrets of ancient times cast a spell on me that made it impossible to feel badly that I was actually enjoying myself, when only days before my father took his last breath. An adventurer himself, I knew Dad was smiling down at me and proud I’d been brave enough to go.
But something shifted over the next few months. Something that slowly, layer by layer started to shift inside of me again, causing me to take notice that my spirit was trying to tell me something. I had to listen.
Part of it was my deeper inner-knowing, and the other part was Dad telling me to stop wasting time doing what I thought I ought to be doing and get going doing that thing I’ve always known I was born to do. Write!
The membership long gone, the book club a thing of the past, I realized that as much as I loved the podcast, it was eating away precious time that I needed in order to be a successful traditionally published author. That has always been my dream. Self-publishing gave me the first taste of success as a writer, as my novel After the Fire, sold really well (before Covid), and the first few months I was an Amazon Best Seller. But I had to pick a lane. All the multi-tasking was not allowing me to be fully successful in either the podcast or with my books.
So I’ve announced to the Beautiful Second Act Community, that it was fun while it lasted, but those doors are closing and I’m stepping into a different place where writing will be the main event. It’s all I’ve ever truly wanted since I was ten years old and started writing stories.
The interesting thing is, after all my mentoring people to live their best life in the second half of life, I’m just now going all in for myself. Maybe the gods or spirits wanted me to create Beautiful Second Act, for the people I needed to reach. To send the message out there to whoever needed to hear it, that it’s never too late to do that thing your heart desires. To take a chance and be brave enough to challenge yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. To not only eat the cake and drink the wine, but grow as a spiritual being and allow yourself to reach higher, dig deeper, and live fully.
But most importantly, to stop disappointing yourself for fear that doing what you really want will disappoint others. We must stop betraying our own needs and desires because we are too afraid it will upset someone else. That’s the worst kind of betrayal. Depriving yourself your own longing and not being true to who you are because it suits others. No one wins if we do that.
So jump in the deep end with me my friend. Do what lights you up inside and gives you enthusiasm. When 2024 hit, I promised myself that my word for the year was INTENTION, and I’m focusing all my energy on the intention to be traditionally published. So I’ll be blogging more on this, staying focused on the writing community, author life, and honing my craft to be the best I can be. I appreciate your support.
Staying in the right frame of mind has been something I’ve struggled with most of my life. I am good for quite a while then BOOM! Disappointment strikes and I used to fall flat on my face, (or into a tub of ice cream, or a bottle of wine). These days, I’m different.
Being a middle aged person has it’s benefits. I’ve learned so much over the years and the biggest lesson I think I’ve learned is to not be too obsessed over expected outcomes. It’s hard to put that into practice sometimes. But the first four decades of my life when I would cling so tightly to a scenerio in my mind for how things were supposed to be, always left me disheartened.
The saying, “Life is what happens when you are busy making plans,” is so true. We can have a plan and move towards that goal, but when things don’t go according to that plan it’s so important that we are flexible and able to pivot. At the very least, re-evaluate your approach. I am getting better at this.
In my search for the perfect agent to represent my work, I’ve gotten close and then fallen short. Like the ocean that ebbs and flows, I’ve moved forward and back many times with people having some interest and then it not being a good fit. This dance in the publishing industry is not one for the anxious or impatient. I’ve learned to be hopeful, put myself out there, and then let it go.
TRUST THE UNIVERSE.
So, as to not obsess. I put in the work, I query agents, and I’m still writing (lately two different novels). I’m not sitting around and wringing my hands praying day in, day out, that I will get an agent. I believe in divine timing. I have so many interests and many reasons to be joyful.
I love to travel!
I have a daily practice of gratitude. I really mean that too. I have to PRACTICE it. The more I practice the more joyful I become and it’s now an easier thing for me to do. One of the things I’m very grateful for is travel.
We weren’t able to do it during the pandemic and I missed it tremendously. Also I’ve only ever traveled within the United States, so when Covid hit, I was alarmed. HOLY CRAP! I never went to Europe! These thoughts made me promise myself that after everything opened back up, that I would go.
Even though I am still hunting for just the right agent, I am doing a lot of other things that make me happy. I’ve been photographing the gorgeous spring we are having here in Northern California. I’m going to England for the first time with a dear friend soon. I’ll be celebrating my birthday shortly (turning 55), and the 2nd anniversary of my podcast, Beautiful Second Act, in May. I also just recently hosted an in-person event for Beautiful Second Act at a lovely new shop that just opened in my community.
Me at Flickerstix Candle Co.where we held the event.
So, regardless of the fact that yes, I wish I had an agent to help sell my books, I am still loving my life just as it is every single day. Yes, it is my dream to be traditionally published, even though I have already successfully self-published. I know I can do that again if I wanted to so I have options. But I’m not dismayed or crestfallen because my hopes of being traditionally published hasn’t happened yet.
I still enjoy every day!
There have been times where I get disappointed. Somedays are harder than others to bounce back into my happy place. But I’ve learned the tools that help me to re-set faster than I used to and I know what a blessing life is. I just don’t want to waste a moment taking the beauty of this life for granted.
So, I’ll continue the hunt. I will continue to write. And if you are of a mind to, send up some good vibe thoughts to God, The Universe, or Spirit…however you talk to your Higher Power, with the intention for my books to be represented and published. I’d love the support.
In the meantime, keep reading, and get out there and embrace your life with gratitude!
I’d like to say this past year flew by but to be honest, every freakin’ year flies by faster now than the previous one. I’m 54 + years old and on the speeding downward hill towards my earthly final destination. I only hope I don’t hit too many bumps as I coast along, and pray for some flat terrain periodically that will slow my pace. Either way, the wind is in my hair and I’m enjoying the view.
Blogging came to a screeching halt last spring. I just wasn’t feeling it because I was too focused on querying agents for my latest book, The Clock Tower of Maple Creek. I put all my energy into that and my midlife mentoring group, Beautiful Second Act.Simply put, I had a lot of balls in the air and had to set one down.
But now I’m fully energized and ready to catch you all up on what I’ve been doing and where the heck I’ve been.
As I said, I was pumping out the query letters to agents for months upon end without a deal. I realized something was off and took a long, hard look at my query letter. It sucked!
I mean, at first glance it was pretty good, I guess. But looking closer I realized I was too close to the project. I needed a fresh perspective. Cue in my friend Jennifer Lynn Alvarez, (who is successfully published a dozen times). I was right. It needed work. I am so blessed to have her as a writing mentor and for the support she’s given me.
So the query letter was being re-worked and I started my next novel. After all, writers have to keep writing. Book deal or not. This way I know I will have more projects to showcase should my dream agent ask me, “So, do you have anything else?”
Meanwhile, we planned an epic family vacation that was supposed to happen in 2020, but we all know what happened there. So finally, after two years of waiting, my husband and I flew ourselves, our two grown daughters and their significant others, all to Disney World in Florida.
When all the Youtube videos on how to use the new app for The Happiest Place On Earth, said to prepare for the most expensive vacation you’ll ever take, I thought it was a joke.
It wasn’t a joke.
That being said, we had a great time and even met up with some friends while there. Would I do it again? No. Was I glad we had the experience? Absolutely. It was an amazing time, if not ridiculously expensive. I told Hubby I could have gone to Italy 2X over for just what we spent on ourselves. But at the end of life I will have that beautiful memory of when we got all the grown kids together to go have a blast.
Once back in California I spent more time on my new book, which is the sequel to The Clock Tower of Maple Creek. I’m writing this as a trilogy so Kentucky Sunset, was set into motion on my writing trip two weeks later.
In order to get the story started, or finished, I usually go away on my own for a writing sabbatical. It clears my head, allows for uninterrupted time alone, and sets the mood for creativity. Plus I don’t have to break in the middle of a good session to put the dogs out, cook dinner, or visit with my family. I just write.
The Mendocino Coast has been my go-to place since 2015. I’ve found it to be so magical and relaxing that I go back at least once, if not twice a year. The places I’ve stayed have been cozy, quiet, and with views to inspire. It’s truly a writer’s paradise.
Besides the views, I’ve eaten at some wonderful restaurants that gives me a break from typing away, and it allows for leisurely time to ponder while feasting on sumptuous food and drink.
Once back home and grinding away again with research on which agent to query, I felt uninspired to press the issue. I decided to focus on the new book instead. At least for awhile.
This was good for me, but too soon the days clicked by and then the holidays were upon us. Most agents close down for the holidays and don’t accept new queries until the new year. I decided to just let it be and believe in Divine Timing. I’d wait until 2023.
So here we finally are. It’s January of 2023, and I am fully charged and ready to roll. This is a great time to get back in the saddle! I’m super stoked about what is coming next and I’m open to great possibilities.
With a new, fully revised query letter at the ready, I am seeking an agent that wants to be in it for the long haul. I want to find that perfect person who will partner with me for years to come. I know they are out there. Hoping we find each other soon.
Here’s wishing you all a beautiful, blessed, and truly happy 2023. Make your life what you want it to be. YOU are the architect of your life. Build what you dream.
What Early Retirement Has Been Like For This Writer
In March of 2020, when the world stopped turning, I began to spin a scenario in my mind of what my life could look like. When we were all forced to stay home and try to be productive in ways none of us were accustomed to, I decided to dive deep inside of myself to find a new path. One I truly desired. That’s when I realized I would apply for early retirement.
At only fifty-thee years old, early retirement seemed rather rash in the eyes of some of my friends and family. It wasn’t what some viewed as responsible, or advised. After all, who was I to think I could retire when most people worked in their fields until at least sixty-two? I hadn’t paid my dues yet.
Before I could retire, I knew I had many ducks I had to get into their neat little rows. I was working in public education, a school librarian and only in that position for eleven years. My writing had been for the past decade done on weekends, evenings and vacation. I’d managed to publish a book working those hours, but it took me four years of hard determination. Imagine, I thought, what I could accomplish if I wrote full time!
So in the fall of 2020, when public education was dealing with at-home-studies, or hybrid schooling, I worked along those brave enough to go in and do the job, (masks, vaccines, isolation, and angry parents), full well knowing it would be my last school year. Early retirement might not have looked attainable to some, but for me it was the only way I’d survive. The job had become suffocating, soul sucking.
With each month moving along like molasses in January, I soothed myself with the notion that it was the last November, or the last December, I’d ever have to work there. It gave me hope and excitement for my future as a full-time writer. Writing was what I’d dreamed of since I was ten years old, in the fifth grade, when I read my first novel and wrote my first essay in school.
So fast forward to August of 2021, I had to start off the school year, but I got to pass the baton onto a new and more energetic librarian. Someone who wasn’t burned out by the public education bureaucracy. On September 1, 2021, I became a free woman. I was scared, but I was elated by the prospects of living the life I wanted. I became a full-time writer.
Last days in the library.
The end of anything can be somewhat sad, but I only shed a few tears. In the first few days of my early retirement I felt a bit guilty. It’s like that when you no longer have to do something. I still got up early, although not nearly as early as my 5:30am wake up I used to do. Having my coffee and writing in the quietness of the morning felt indulgent. At first I wasn’t very productive because I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. After setting some goals, I got the hang of it.
Now I travel when I want, I write every day, and I finished my second novel, The Clock Tower of Maple Creek. I’m currently querying agents for representation on this one because I’ve decided that traditionally publishing is the path I want to go. I see a future with a team of folks in the publishing industry in my corner. Although I self-published successfully with my first novel, After The Fire, (buy link here), it was a lonely and difficult road.
In addition to writing, I dove into another line of work. Podcasting has become a great love of mine and this May, 2022 will be the first anniversary of my show, Beautiful Second Act. You can listen from anywhere you get your podcasts but the most popular are Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, or IHeartRadio. It’s about living in midlife or beyond, striving to live our best life in the second half of life. I plan to build on it in this second year. I currently have two seasons. It’s very exciting to interview like minded people who help me to grow, motivate me, and inspire us all. I also have many solo episodes where I share all I’ve learned along the way towards living a more authentic life. I hope you’ll check it out.
The main thing I’d like to share today about early retirement is that THIS IS YOUR LIFE. If you love your job, great. But if you don’t…if you wake each day wondering what the hell you are doing and are stressed beyond your limits, then make a change. You are the only one who can steer your ship. If you feel in the deepest part of your soul that you are meant to be doing something else, then by God, DO IT! Do it now before too much time passes. You cannot put a price on happiness. A bigger payout in retirement won’t buy you back the years you loose in suffering. Do what it is that brings you the greatest joy! You won’t regret it.
Januaryblew in like a tornado. It was unpredictable and caused some destruction. And like the aftermath of such an incident, I was left feeling dumbstruck and somewhat confused as to how to feel.
But that’s just the beginning. I have something positive I actually need to tell you, but read to the end to find out what I mean.
My mother passed away in the early morning hours of January 16th in the home of my wonderfully loving brother, and his remarkable family. They had cared for and supported our mother for many years, enduring some extremely trying times with her failing health and addictions.
I traveled to her, and was able to spend a week long visit with her during her final days on this earth, and for that I know I will be forever grateful. And although it felt like somewhat of an out of body experience, aiding someone who is about to die, I couldn’t have imagined being anywhere else.
My incredible sister-in-law had our mother’s health needs down pat, but it became unduly trying on her. I was all too glad to assist, and share in the nursing care that our mother needed at the end. Still, I felt like most of the time I walked around comatose. It was strange.
Everyone deals with loss differently. Anticipating her passing many times over the years, (she chose a rough life), I always thought I’d be prepared for it. Quite frankly, I was surprised at how hard it hit me and began writing a short story of the event as soon as I returned home.
Oddly enough, there are many small comic relief moments when someone is dying, and in our family there were quite a few. One of the things I said about the experience was, “The longest month of my life, was the week I spent by my mother’s bedside.” It was meant to be funny, but maybe I’m just twisted. Guess you will have to read the story one day.
Pic of Mom and Me, First Christmas 1968
ANYWAY… my plans for the actual book I’m writing, (my novel, not the story about mom), have been derailed more than once so far. My depression, and health scare earlier in 2020 took me off track, and finishing the book in January went out the window with the death of my mother. It’s hard to wrap your brain around plot twists and dialog when your emotions and brain are lingering in the past. The good news is I’m very close to done. It’s the editing process that will hang me up for awhile. That is where I have to remind myself that I cannot force things.
To be disciplined is one thing, but to try and force a situation to be a certain way will only create resistance for the natural flow of things and ultimately bring about that which I don’t want. But I do want to finish my book! And there is still something else, I want you to know. Read to the end and you will understand.
I am a firm believer in flow. Some call it, “to everything, there is a season.” If you are forcibly trying to make something happen, and creating resistance with stress, then it’s not going to turn out well. Instead, I have been praying for guidance, for inspiration to lead me, and show me the path of least resistance. That’s when I know I am creating something wonderful and worth waiting for, and it’s working. I’m getting closer my friends. The book is exciting me, and this past week I got back in the game.
So when I finish the book, I still plan to submit to agents. I am really feeling good about traditional publishing this go around. No matter what though, I will see where the road takes me, and however this trilogy book series is meant to be received into the world is how it will be. I will follow my heart and let intuition lead me.
I posted the first chapter awhile back in segments, for this new book I called, The Clock Tower of Maple Creek. The title may change. I will share it again as a whole chapter, not split up, in my next blog post. If you are impatient, go to my CATEGORIES on the side menu, (upper menu hamburger if on a phone), and click on the links for New Book/ Clock Tower. Remember, I may edit it myself, but once a professional editor gets a hold of it, the book can still change. I just like to share with my readers a sneak peak at what I’m doing.
January 2021, may not have started off the way I envisioned it would. Hell, 2020 certainly didn’t either, but I still believe there is plenty of time. Time for me to do what I set out to do. Time for me to get my book out this year. At least to get a contract with a publishing house this year. I’m getting older, but there is still plenty of time.
Guess What Friends…
Before I sign off today, I want to let you all in on something else… something is coming. Something I have been thinking about since May, 2020. I want to support other midlife creatives, like myself, who are just getting started. Those of us who didn’t jump into the deep end of the pool until we had empty nests. Those of us who put our families first our entire lives and still have our own dreams.I want to help you. I want to be there to show you that it’s okay to have a vision for yourself, to rediscover yourself. TO DREAM BIG!
If that sounds good to you, if that resonates with you on any level, then follow along and I will help you find the magic of your heart’s true calling. We are not washed up. We are not too old, and we have so much left to do. If you are with me, leave a comment on this blog. I will make sure when I launch my new platform that I get you on the train!
This bizarre year has done me some favors and thrown me some curve balls that I’m still not quite sure how to maneuver. Small businesses have been hit really hard and we still aren’t even done with this Covid situation. For me personally, I started out with wonderful book sales, just to find them dwindle as more bookstores and other retailers suffered lower overall sales. So how do we begin to even gauge success in a year like 2020?
This year, I’ve reached out to people, women in particular, more than ever before. I’m not just talking about holding conversations with my friends, but I went in search of how others are finding ways to feel more grounded. I wanted to know how folks have found more gratitude, and how they’ve become less wrapped up in the negative climate that seems to encompass everything around us, and instead have embraced hope and new possibilities.
You might be wondering where exactly, did I go looking for these people. Well, I started by researching podcasts. I’ve never really been one to listen to podcasts because I guess I thought they would be a waste of time. I didn’t ever think I had enough time to listen to one. Well now…WOW! I am hooked. I can listen to podcasts while I water my yard, while I brush my teeth, put on make-up, clean the house, in the car, it’s endless. I choose to listen to podcasts that will lift me up, not bring me down. There are thousands and one of my favorites is called, DON’T KEEP YOUR DAY JOB. It’s not just about your job, but it’s more about what creative people love to do, and how the host encourages them to do their thing, AND TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT IT.
With all this inspiration, I wanted to give back to those that might be on the writing path. Earlier this year I made a Youtube video on how writers, in particular, could use this time that they were off work as an opportunity to create something wonderful. I still believe that, but I’ll admit, I can struggle with bouts of depression on what we cannot do. It’s hard to stay in that space of attitude for gratitude, when we are inundated with political storms, and all our freedoms are restricted. Still, I vowed to continue living well, and that meant my mental health as well as my physical health.
Hey y’all!
I really have always wanted to be successful in whatever I do, but my definition of success has changed over the years. I guess I think success should have two different definitions. One kind of success I think we all want is financial stability. That is probably the most recognized type of success. I mean I don’t think anyone would ever say, “Geez, I don’t need anymore money.” That being said, I’m not sure if anyone would ever say, “I’m successful enough.” But the other kind of success I’m interested in is the kind that is emotionally satisfying. To be successful in what you do with your time is the most gratifying feeling to me.
My husband is a retired battalion chief, but he’s also been a farmer his entire life. He’s a fourth generation farmer and although it is very trying and difficult work, he absolutely loves it. His time spent working the ranch is extremely satisfying for him and that makes him a success.
To be content with the work you chose to do, with the craft you chose to create, whether that be, (for me) writing, painting, cooking, building, gardening, or sewing, (you get the picture), you are a success if you are able to do what it is that you love to do. But what leaves me feeling stuck is I’m not living my truth. In my soul I truly feel I’m supposed to be writing and creating full time… and I’ve no idea how to do it. So I feel emotionally stifled.
So getting back to my journey of finding these people out there who seem to have tapped into the reservoir of passion and abundance, I went online and started watching videos of people that find joy in the everyday little things. I also watched more Youtubers that have figured out how to do things I wanted to learn how to do. I realized that my age is just a number and if I don’t mind how old I am while learning these new things, (how to create better videos), then nobody else will mind either.
Something I discovered in 2020 that I feel very successful for having realized, is that women in the middle…midlife,…have a unique opportunity to do things that we could never do in our younger lives. We are a distinct demographic of people that are curious and want to explore, and have more wisdom than we did when we were first navigating adulthood and parenthood. Some of us are just now waking up to the possibilities of what we can experience now that the kids are grown, or now that we no longer feel the need to prove ourselves. We have lines on our faces, and gravity can be a bitch, but we are still energetic enough to try something we’ve never been brave enough to try before.
Now is our time!
In 2020, I’ve found myself in a way I never knew before, and I think my writing is going to take me places I’ve only dreamed of. I might not be the age I wish I’d have started this journey from, but I am going to dare to dream big and say NOW is my time to make things happen.
If you are a woman in the middle, (or anyone in midlife), I want to say, take this Second Act and imagine what you can do with it. Your success is up to you. Don’t let your age dictate how you feel. It’s just a number. I mean, just look at Betty White’s career. She’s ninety-eight! In the year 2020, we might have had to overcome a whole lot of BS, but I also feel it’s been transformative. Learn something new, dare to create what you envision, and get out of your comfort zone! I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being complacent. I’m going to throw my hat into the arena, I’m going to probably make some mistakes along the way, but success for me will come when I fulfill my purpose, and that’s being a creative person.
In 2021, you will be seeing a lot of new endeavors from this gal, as I embrace my Second Act, and hopefully take you along with me.
I’m back! I found my mojo again. I cannot tell you how great it feels to be out from the dark cloud and finding my voice again. Writers block sent me down a rabbit hole for awhile but the one thing that can always put me straight is getting away alone.
I love my family, don’t get me wrong. They are my favorite people on the planet, but too much togetherness can bring about feelings of animosity if you don’t find time for yourself. This is true for anyone, but for writers especially. Writing is a solitary business. But what if you aren’t a writer? Would you still benefit from time alone? I can say, unabashedly YES! Everyone needs time alone.
For five years, I’ve found a few long weekends a year to get away on my own. Driving with the windows down, the music on, or a podcast that’s inspirational, can get you in the groove to unwind and put you back on the path to yourself. Life can be chaotic, overwhelming even, and although we’d never trade those that we love, if you are past the point of exhaustion, a few days away on your own can do wonders for refocusing, and feeling more peaceful.
Susan Squellanti Florence, wrote a book called, TIME ALONE, The gift of being withyourself. I have had this for many years and it has this passage that says, “When you take time alone, you leave the distractions of the day…and enter the secret garden of your soul.” I mean, WOW! That’s pretty deep, right? Well it’s true.
My first night relaxing.
The Albion coast sunset.
This crazy-ass year of 2020 has actually given me a gift. I talked a bit in my previous blog about how in the beginning of Covid, I was really handling things pretty well before I plummeted somewhere around the middle of summer. Anyway, one of the things I picked back up again, that I hadn’t made time for in years was to meditate. YES… I know, some of you find that too woo-woo, to do. I’m here to tell you, it’s all part of spending time alone.
Meditating is a great way to tune into your soul. Practicing stillness in a world that only moves faster, and expects more, can be very rejuvenating. When you meditate, you can really listen to what it is your body and spirit are trying to tell you. And you don’t have to be sitting cross legged in an ashram, chanting to meditate. Just practicing stillness is meditating. Quieting the mind and being in the present moment is all it takes.
I usually like to find somewhere on the coast to write. For me, being near the ocean and listening to the waves crash against the shoreline, smelling the salty air, and feeling the mist against my skin, it all releases me from life’s stressors. I feel a connectedness to the earth that reminds me I am worthy, and part of this fabulous Universe, born with a right to experience love, joy, and creativity.
When I sit down in a quiet space to write after exposing myself to a place of beauty and grace, I tap into a well of inspiration. It clears the cobwebs that have blocked me from my passion. Being in a calming and quiet place can also bring clarity to areas of your life that might have been murky before.
The view from my hotel in Albion, California
During one of my stays away, I received a call from a friend. She was literally in awe of the fact that I traveled by myself. She couldn’t fathom the idea of one, being alone in a strange place, and two, that my husband let me go. Once we established the fact that women don’t need permission to have time alone, she admitted that it’s just a little bit scary to be alone and traveling. I assured her that it was spectacular! I said, “You know that feeling when your husband and the kids are gone for awhile and you have the whole house to yourself?” she sighed and said, “Yes, I love it when that happens.” I then said, “Well, imagine that for three or more days.” THEN she got it!
The thing is, most women feel that the husbands cannot handle the household without them. That’s simply not true. But if you are not able to leave for other reasons, then at least schedule an afternoon away on your own. Pick somewhere close enough that you can be home by bedtime, or dinner time if you need to, and it should be a place that gives you utter peace, and joy. I’m not talking about a girl’s day out, although those are very much needed too. I’m talking about a place you can be alone! Solitude is key for truly tapping into stillness and being completely calm.
When you return to your chores and daily life after time spent alone, there is often a shift. Mostly it will bring you the ability to do your life with more zest, and a better attitude. But don’t be surprised if you find that you are realizing you need to make some changes. Probably you will want to make changes that bring you more of what you just had… time.
So I will leave you with this. Time alone will quiet your mind, and your heart. If you are a creative, (an artist, writer, musician, architect, chef, florist, …the list goes on and on), then you know you need time for inspiration to strike. Sometimes you have to go seeking that inspiration. Sitting in the presence of beauty and wonder can do that for you. But EVERYONE needs time alone.
A Course in Miracles, says, “Within ourselves there is a silence into which the world cannot intrude. There is an ancient peace you carry in your heart and have not lost.”
I highly suggest you plan your next time away alone soon. You’ll be glad you did.
Wishing you all inspiration
*All pictures taken by Patti Diener, yes even the feature pic. I used a tripod.
That was me… the woman in the featured picture was me when I started this book writing journey. Recently, I’ve mourned that woman. Wondered where the hell she went! Why, that woman, who never has EVER had writer’s block in her entire life, (been writing since age ten), has not only become blocked, but like the light in her creative soul has been snuffed out. Suffocated. She disappeared. Vanished! Left only behind this empty shell that wanders around aimlessly, binging on Netflix, or Hallmark Channel, and leaves a trail of unfiled paperwork, and empty wine glasses.
This other, impostor has alluded to being Patti Diener, and shown signs that underneath she might still be there if I can only uncover her. At this point I realize that the real Patti Diener, is hiding out. The thing she never thought would happen has happened, and now she’s taken up residency in the safety of the bottom of the genie bottle and doesn’t want to come out and play anymore. What’s happened? I’ll tell you. It’s what the real Patti Diener fears the most... She’s Not In Control.
That may sound like no big deal to some of you, but for people like me, who like to have some form of control over what, why, when, and where, this entire year has pulled the rug out from under me. I often say things like, “don’t move my cheese!” or “change and I don’t get along,” so you can imagine what a year like this cantankerous 2020, has done to me.
What it’s done…to…me.
In the beginning, I was handling this all very well. I was even quite proud of myself. During the days where we weren’t told much at work, (I’m a public school librarian), I tried to get ahead of the game. I knew in March, when we had to keep kids at home because of Covid, that each week they pushed back the date we’d be allowed to have kids back on campus, that ultimately the answer was going to be that we’re not. I knew in my gut that the 2019-20 school year was done. So I did all my end of the year stuff to get ahead. Because that’s what planners, or Type A personalities do. We like to have things under control.
Keeping a positive attitude was my goal. I realized I could ball up in anxiety from everything the press was telling us, OR… I could look at this all as an opportunity to write and do a bit of self care. Soul searching if you will. I was feeling the toxicity of public education when we all left anyway, so why not take advantage of this time off?
I dove head first into learning new things to promote my book, AFTER THE FIRE. I bought a program to make ads and another one to make videos and edit them. I enjoyed the creative part of these and wanted to share with other creative people, specifically in the writing community. I was having some fun. Despite the fact that I had all my book events canceled, and most of my contracts at the stores had to come to an end since they were shut down due to Covid, I was staying in a pretty good place emotionally.
There was something brewing under the surface though. Something I would never have guessed and it spun my summer out of control for about six weeks.
At first, I thought I was going crazy.
Quite literally, I was feeling myself losing it and not remembering stuff, extreme heart rates, choking feelings out of nowhere, headaches, and body pain. Then came the horrid jaw pain, pressure on my neck. NOT a sore throat. MY NECK. I’d never had this before and this down to the bone tiredness that left me so weak I had no choice but to lay down. I’d almost pass out from fatigue by around one o’clock in the after noon and sleep for hours.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I have always been a pretty healthy person. I’ve always been active, eaten really well for the most part, and had regular check ups, for which always came back as, “hey, I don’t even know why you are here because you are so healthy.” But I knew something was wrong and I had to see a doctor.
To make a very long story a bit shorter, after seeing two different doctors and thousands of dollars in tests, I was diagnosed with Subacute Thyroiditis. This is a rare condition that is basically brought on by a virus. In most cases it will correct itself. Some treatment of the thyroid can be given to help it along but so far I’m just being monitored. After a few more months I should be back to normal. The pain has gone but some of the side effects are still with me. I am healing pretty well though.
The point of that story is to tell you this one. During that scary time, you can imagine all the thoughts that went through my head. Not a lot of them were good. The next thing I did was read absolutely everything under the sun about thyroid health, and how it effects the rest of your body. The control freak that lives in my head, the bossy roommate that is the know-it-all that talks non-stop in my brain, had to know EVERYTHING she could about it. It gave me some sort of relief and I completely changed my diet. I also started taking certain supplements that really made me feel tons better. It all made me feel more in control, (are you sensing a pattern here?).
But then I realized I had to rely on my faith and intuition. I’m a healthy person. I’d say that a lot. I’m very healthy and I need to stop living in fear. But how was I going to get off that merry-go-round? Every time I thought I’m no longer trying to control something, I’d catch myself really trying to control it.
In my past, when something terrible happened in my life that I was helpless to fix, I had to learn to let it all go. This didn’t come easy. Some say, “Let go and let GOD,” and some say, “Trust in The Universe.” For me it’s all the same. I just seem to have this default of going back to my fear based thinking and believe that if I do X, Y, and Z.. I will get the results I want. It’s not always that simple.
Then I stopped and thought about the situation all around us. This year of 2020, and what some would say is a curse, or the end of times, or whatever negative spin you want to put on it. I am trying my hardest to NOT do that. I’m instead, wondering as a human being on this planet, on a journey that is mine alone, what am I supposed to learn from all this?
The month of August, I went back to what I started in May, and that was to continue on my spiritual journey and read more about letting go. I love books. Hello!…Librarian here. Any time in my life that I needed to figure out something, I’d find a book on it and read. My house is filled with self help, spiritual, and inspirational books. I love Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Gabrielle Bernstein. But I also love the kick ass books of Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi, Brene Brown, and Elizabeth Gilbert, for their, pull yourself up by your boot straps but forgive yourself for being human, messages. The whole, anything is possible, mentality appeals to me. I mean, why wouldn’t it?
So I’m cruising along, but still cannot write. I meditate and in one of my deeper sessions I’m hearing, “It’s okay. You have plenty of time.” Also in this meditation, I’m hearing, “An easier path is right there.”
Can you imagine my excitement?
But then I’m derailed again. After feeling this great momentum of finding my way and breaking through walls, learning to love all the little things as well as plan for the greater future, and understanding more about myself and what it is that I truly want, I spiral again. We have more of these freakin’ California fires. UGH!
Feelings of fear, defeat, anger, resentment, confusion, and loss all come crashing back. The media is worse than ever, the negativity of the world seems to encompass me, swallowing me up and leaving me feeling frozen.
It’s been a tough few weeks for anyone living in California. Especially if you live in Northern California. With the fires almost out, we still struggle with awful air quality. But it is Labor Day Weekend, and a three day weekend is still a good thing to smile about.
So I’m writing today to use this platform not only as a sounding board for my emotions, but to say that we are all feeling something. Good, bad, up, down, we are all on the same ride. Some days it’s harder than others to navigate, and we aren’t always on the same page. It feels more like being a ball on the top of the parachute in school. Remember? When we’d all stand in the MPR in a huge circle and hold onto the colorful parachute and shake, shake, shake it so that the balls would pop up and down? Am I dating myself? Well, some of us are the ball falling when others are popping up. Either way, it’s one helluva ride.
Someday it will settle down. I don’t know what the world will look like when it does, but what this year is giving me is the opportunity to learn patience. I’m not overly fond of waiting. I’m less fond of not knowing what’s behind the curtain and trusting. I like to, (you know, you can say it) be in control. But I’m being vulnerable here, by letting you all know, that for nearly two months my writing has ceased, and I’ve felt literally frozen. Paralyzed. THAT has scared me more than any of the other things happening this year.
I was listening today to an old podcast with Brene Brown, and I am paraphrasing but it was like, “Being vulnerable isn’t posting all your personal garbage out on social media. It’s being truly your authentic self and brave enough to have the courage to share that with someone. And you share with people who have earned the right to hear your story.” I thought… yes. And we all know who our special people are that we can trust and count on, who have earned the right to hear what we need to say. And right now, we all are suffering something. Find your person and get it out. You might find you feel a whole lot better.
Today, I hit some bumps. This weird year isn’t over yet, but I realize now that we are all growing, and learning. I’m fifty-two years old, and learning still more about myself every day. My biggest lesson is to learn patience and stay in the moment. It’s freakin’ hard! But every day I will continue to try. In the end, I just want peace, like the rest of us. You cannot have peace when you are trying to control everything. That I’ve learned. Still, I’m a work in progress.
What 2020 did for me…
It’s taught me that things are going to work out in the time frame that they are meant to. The longer I struggle, the longer things will seem difficult. By letting go and realizing I have absolutely no control over when, it releases me from that burden of trying. Being a stick on the river flowing along is far easier than trying to swim upstream. Even a middle aged woman can learn a thing or two. I hope my children are faster at picking these things up than I am.
As a writer, when I sat down today to write this blog, and decided to be honest and say how my writing was going, (now I’m about two months behind my self-imposed schedule for my new book), I found that the block I was experiencing is now, miraculously, lifted.
It’s been a full month since I last posted and I cannot tell a lie. I have been feeling anxious and overwhelmed. My dogs are the only ones that see how much it upsets me. I try to cover up my emotions and move on, because that’s what strong people do, (right?). All the news and terrible reports daily on the state of our country has put me in a funk. Has this happened to you?
I decided to turn over a new leaf. Ok, well it’s not ALL THAT NEW, but I’m actually implementing some better habits that I always start and have failed to keep going with in the past. I’m putting myself first!
Yes, I know that sounds like something a very selfish person would do, but truly, I am no good to my husband or family if I am a wreck. That means, I am waking up and NOT turning on the news. I am eating better, taking supplements to better my immune system, and reading books that promote positive thinking to begin my day, and set me on a path of feeling good.
I apologize for the delay at giving y’all the next scene in Chapter One, of my new novel, THE CLOCK TOWER OF MAPLE CREEK. It is finally here for you today. But before we dive in, I just want to say, that if you have been like me, and have been overly affected by our current situation, you are not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or pick up a self help book that appeals to you. Get outside when it’s cool, remember all that you have to be grateful for, and for heaven sake, limit your screen time. Like, set a timer! Because it can really be counterproductive to your health if all you expose yourself to is negativity.
My new journal
I recently started to journal again. This one by Debbie Macomber, is just the ticket to staying positive. I find myself more relaxed and simply happier, when I write down thoughts of joy and inspiration.
ALRIGHT!…without further ado, I am happy to give you the third installment of Chapter One, of THE CLOCK TOWER OF MAPLE CREEK. Now as I said before, this is unedited. I have not gone back and changed anything since writing this, and I am now on Chapter Thirteen. If you leave a comment, I just wanted you to know that in advance-so please be kind. (Ha! Ha!) If you have NOT read the first two posts of the chapter, then please follow these instructions to start from the beginning.
CLICK HERE to take you to the beginning. After reading you can click the GO BACK arrow to bring you back here.CLICK HERE to take you to Part Two, and click the go back button to bring you to this post for Part Three. The reason for this is my website posts my most recent posts first. Yeah…that’s technology.
Thank you for reading and here is PART THREE!
It worked! All the gears, bearings, pendulum, and strike train were all functioning as Albert thought they should. The escapement imparting energy to the pendulum, back and forth, Albert lay inside the tower listening, eyes closed. Concentrating on the sound it made as the whir of the strike train sounded the hour that Friday afternoon at one o’clock for his test run. As the huge clock chimed loudly and clearly a single gong, Albert could faintly hear the gasps and cheers from people on the streets and within the Town Square. The Fourth of July Jubilee decorating committee, was swarming The Square. They were the first to bear witness that Albert had succeeded in keeping his promise to Mayor Jonathan Kemp, and the people of Maple Creek. Now it just had to work again at noon the next day, for the big reveal.
He fixed it so the clock would not chime again until he reset it to do so. Tomorrow, on Saturday at eleven-thirty in the morning, he’d set it up to start sounding the hour, every hour beginning at noon, and for each hour forever after. Albert would become the clock keeper and lying inside the tower now, he felt a kinship with the precious machine. He felt an intimate relationship with the over seventy-five year old time piece. Anyone to care for it would require enormous patience and have a keen ear. It would be impossible now for him to imagine anyone else caring for it. He would climb up the steps every week to wind it, check the speed, clean the face, and oil the gears. Sitting inside the tower now, he nodded his approval and laughed out loud.
When he walked out onto the street, people were walking towards him in droves. Patting him on the back, his Uncle Zeke came out from the jewelry store just a few shops away to congratulate him.
“I am so proud. You did it! I knew if anyone around Maple Creek was capable, it was you. That was some undertaking, Son. Guess it’s fair to say that you can fix damn near anything now.”
“Thanks Uncle Zeke. But I still have the reveal tomorra.”
“That’s right Albert,” Mayor Kemp was walking up, cigar in his mouth. “I trust everathang is going according ta plan?”
“Yes, Sir. It will work. You can count on it. And I’d like ta stay on as the Maple Creek Clock Keeper if ya don’t mind.”
Folks were coming out of Parker’s Soda Shop, even Mable. They poured onto the sidewalk, curious, watching the Mayor and Albert speak. People walked closer from The Green, stopping at the street but standing at the edge of the lawn to listen. Albert was confident, looking the Mayor right in the eyes.
“Son, if that thang works as well as you say it does, we can talk.”
From behind the Mayor, Virginia stepped out to grab Albert by the hand and congratulated him. Her pink, fitted dress and heals making her look ever the part of City Hall assistant secretary.
“Oh Daddy isn’t it wonderful what Albert has done? I thank we should have him to suppa or somethin’. I’m just so pleased we will finally have a working clock tower in City Hall! It’s like he’s brought a piece of our town back to life,” she gushed.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Virginia. The boy still has to fulfill his end of the bargain before I’m convinced. I will say, it’s looking quite optimistic though,” he puffed his cigar and smoothed his suit vest. “We’ll see.”
He walked away with city council in tow, including Teddy Gilbert, Theo’s dad. Virginia stood a minute longer and opened her mouth to speak when the mayor bellowed.
“Virginia? Come along Sweet Pea, we have more work ta do before tomorra.”
“Move along Sweet Pea,” Albert whispered in a tease then winked at her. She was adorable and as she quickly trotted off in her white high heels, Albert turned to watch her.
The people slowly returned to their day. Mable and Mr. Parker went back inside Parker’s Soda Shop, the decorating committee went back to The Green to work on the gazebo, and his Uncle Zeke gave him a thumbs up and walked back over to his store. All along The Square, he could see folks return to their business and Albert decided to go home for the day. He’d finally done it!
But as Albert walked with his tools to his beat up 1945 Ford pickup with the dent in the door, Theo Gilbert stopped working on the lights for the gazebo to watch him. Then staring up at the clock tower, Theo rubbed his chin, raised an eyebrow, and smiled.
************
It was show time! The thick July air of Kentucky shrouded the day in humidity, but the streets were full nonetheless. The citizens of Maple Creek came out in droves adorn with red, white, and blue attire. Music came from the gazebo out on The Green, where a local band played patriotic tunes, and there were hotdogs, snow cones, and cotton candy selling near the fountain. On the sidewalks of The Square, folks mingled and weaved in and out of all the open doors of the town businesses.
Albert’s hands were sweating and he knew it wasn’t from the early heat of the day. It was 11:35am when he descended the clock tower from setting the great machine to start its first of hopefully years to come, hourly chimes, to begin at high noon.
As he stepped out onto the sidewalk, the door to the tower failed to shut all the way behind him. Albert was so deep in thought of finding Virginia, he failed to notice Theo slip quickly through the door and creep up the stairs.
Scouring the streets with his eyes, Albert couldn’t see any sign of Virginia. Where was she? He hoped she’d be with him for the reveal. He walked around aimlessly, hands in and out of his pockets, fidgeting with his tie.
By 11:45am Theo stuck his head out of the door to the clock tower, looking this way then that, quickly snuck back onto the street and firmly shut the door behind him, walking away from the crowd.
11:50 am Albert’s parents and his Uncle Zeke, were standing in front of the jewelry store, waiting like the rest of the community to hear the old time piece chime back to life. Albert paced and wrung his hands. Walking back towards City Hall, he spotted the mayor coming his way with Teddy Gilbert. Both men wore white starched shirts with red ties, but the mayor wore a royal blue vest with his. Looking at his own rumpled shirt, Albert quickly straightened his tie and extended his hand to the mayor.
“Mayor Kemp, I wanted ta thank ya for this opportunity ta be the one ta get the clock tower back up and running. It’s been a great honor, Sir.”
The creases of his eyes smiled, as the mayor held his cigar within his teeth. He shook Albert’s hand, but then pulled him closer to say, “I truly hope you’ve pulled this off, Son. There are a lot of people hera that thank I was crazy ta let a young man of your age take a crack at it. My Virginia swears that you are some kind of genius though. I hope she’s right.”
Albert ran his hand through his hair looking around and then at his watch. 11:53am. “Yes, Virginia. Well I was hoping she’d be hera for this. Have you seen her?”
Teddy patted the mayor on the back then, “I believe she’s with my Theo. We just saw them a second ago standing around the corner of the court house entry. They seemed like they wanted some privacy though since they were whipserin’ an all,” and Teddy smiled, nudged Albert with an elbow.
A knot formed in Albert’s stomach as he quickly excused himself to go find her and get her away from that weasel Theo. “Thank ya gentlemen. Happy Fourth of July, Sir.”
Maneuvering the sea of people on the sidewalk like a salmon swimming up-stream, Albert glanced at his watch just before he reached the court house, 11:58am. He didn’t find anyone at the doors of the courthouse. It was locked solid for the day’s festivities. Where wasshe?
Then he remembered Teddy said around the corner. Just past the building was a little alcove between the courthouse and the title company. Nobody was over there because all the festivities were going the other way.
Albert turned the corner and felt like someone knocked the air out of him. As if someone punched him in the stomach, he found he couldn’t breathe. Virginia was in a red dress and white shoes, and Theo was holding her face with both hands and kissing her.
“I swear, Virginia!” was all that came out.
She pulled away from Theo and pushed his chest to stumble towards Albert. It looked to him that she took a bit too long to protest though, and Albert spun around to walk back towards the crowd.
“Albert, wait! It’s not what ya thank. Albert!” she tried to catch up to him but he was hot with anger and prideful jealousy. His long legs pumped faster.
It was noon.
The first chime was more of a clank. The next one sounded like someone plucking a mouth harp… then silence. Albert froze. Then he looked around and everyone within the town seemed to stop and stare upward. The paralyzing dread within him seemed to stop time, as he realized that now, everyone in the whole town was looking right at him.
He turned to go back towards the clock tower but Virginia was there breathless and begging for him to listen to her. He turned back the other way and came face to face with the mayor.
“I thought you told me it was working, boy! What the hell was that? You failed!”
“I… It was fine. I don’t understand,” he stammered.
“Neither do I. I don’t understand how I could have been so stupid to let a kid work on something so important. You made a fool out of me!” the mayor clenched his cigar, face beet red, and he looked like a dog baring his teeth.
“No Daddy! Albert really is a genius. Something must have gone terribly wrong because yesterday we all heard…”
“Oh stay out of this Virginia, darlin’. I know you meant well supportin’ this friend of yours but your misguided advice has cost me terrible embarrassment!” and he stormed off with Teddy close behind.
Albert ran both hands threw his hair, shaking his head. Then Virginia’s hand was on his arm. He pulled it away like it was a hot poker. Slowly, he turned to look at her questioningly, with pain in his eyes. Before she could explain, Theo was there behind her.
“I told y’all that this guy was in way over his head. He’s no genius, Virginia. He was just trying to impress you and get the mayor to like him but he can’t fix that clock tower any more than he can fly to the moon. Face it honey. Albert James just isn’t in your league,” and Theo draped an arm around Virginia’s shoulder. She swat it away and tried to grab Albert’s hand but he pulled away from her, feeling the stares from everyone in town.
What the hell happened? The world seemed to be moving in slow motion and Albert felt the eyes of every single person burning into him. He couldn’t trust himself. He was so sure of everything just yesterday. Now on the street below the clock tower, he felt like an alien in a foreign world. He didn’t belong. He had to get away.
As he walked across to the far right of The Square, he made his way between some buildings to find his truck parked on the next block, on Third Street. He jumped inside and fired up the engine. Albert left that day feeling betrayed, confused, and very much alone.
For weeks Virginia tried to call him, but he refused her calls. He stopped working in his uncle’s shop, because he didn’t want to be seen in town, and although he felt cowardly, his broken heart weighed him down the most.
Before long, he’d heard Virginia left for school, Theo went off to Princeton, and Albert packed his bags as well. But he didn’t leave for school. Albert just moved away. He needed a new town, with different people, and different opportunities. Someplace where every time he turned a corner, he wouldn’t think of Virginia Kemp.
************
Ok, you fabulous readers! That’s it! That’s all of the beginning of THECLOCK TOWER OF MAPLE CREEK, ya’ll are going to get until I publish. But follow along to get tidbits, hints, and news of my progress. I’m hoping to have the book finished by the end of the summer, edited by the end of November, and we will see after that. I think I might try my hand at TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING again, instead of self-publishing. If you’ve read my posts on self-pub, you know it’s a hole HELLUVA lotta work! But I’m not going to sweat it. I’ll let the Universe lead the way.
Sending loads of love your way. Thank you for reading, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers during this weird-ass time we are in.
I have to be honest with you all that lately I’ve fallen victim of the depression called CABIN FEVER. It showed it’s ugly face later than most people have experienced, and I was pretty surprised when I realized that THAT was why I’d developed such a foul attitude. Huh… and I thought I was handling this whole Covid thing so well. I guess I’m human after all.
The only outings I’ve had have been my two days I’m allowed to work and going to the grocery store periodically. I must admit I feel good behind the wheel of my car, (Ruby is her name), with the solitude, music, and wind in my hair. But I guess lately that hasn’t felt like enough.
So what to do about it? I am doing what I always do and that is write. I promised to continue to share the story of my Kentucky town I call, Maple Creek, and all the fun characters that reside there. Since I cannot GO to Kentucky as I planned for this past April, I have been writing about it and will let you read the entire first chapter in sections.
Today we continue with Virginia and Albert’s story that took place fifty-seven years ago. If you have NOT read the beginning of this chapter, please click HERE, and read first. You can click the go back arrow after to continue onto this post. Don’t forget to leave a comment after reading these posts so I can get feedback on the story. Remember, this has NOT been edited yet so nothing is set in stone. I’m simply sharing with you all the beginning of the story to contribute something positive during this quarantined time. I truly hope you enjoy it.
Happy Reading!
************
Four days to go. The Jubilee was Saturday and on that Wednesday before, Albert waited at Parker’s Soda Shop for Virginia to come in and bump into him. She was working at the courthouse for the summer and he was taking his lunch break from working on the clock. With any luck, he’d have the intricate machine running by Thursday night, maybe Friday. It was starting to finally look more promising. He smiled to himself as he poked at his fries on the plate while sitting at the counter.
The glass door dinged with the entrance of a beautiful girl wearing a red, poka-dot dress and lipstick. Virginia’s eyes sparkled as she spotted him sitting in his coveralls and ball cap. He knew he should feel unworthy sitting in blue collar work clothes, but he didn’t care. She wanted to be with him just as he was, and knowing that made pride swell up in his chest. He smiled back, putting a fry into his mouth.
“Hey Virginia. You come for the office lunch order, honey?” Mable called out from behind the counter, her pink uniform fully filled out, plump brown cheeks smiling wide.
“Hey Mable. Yes, I know I’m early. Thought I’d grab a malt while I waited if that’s ok,” she sat down on the stool next to him.
“Don’t you look purty,” he said quietly, never losing eye contact with her sky baby blues.
“Well Albert James,” she pretended to be surprised. “I guess y’all are still working on our town hall clock. How’s that comin’?”
Nearly laughing at her performance, Albert nodded. “It’s going well, Virginia. I believe by tomorra night or Friday mornin’ I will have it runnin’. When I give it a test run you should hear it chime throughout the town.”
From a booth near the back of the shop, a voice came mocking, and petty.
“I’m bettin’ you don’t. I’m bettin’ you are just a hick from the sticks that’s trying to impress the Mayor so you can get to his daughta.”
Albert and Virginia both snapped their heads around. Suddenly a stuffed shirt and tie stood up from the red vinyl seat, jacket swung over the shoulder, he started their way. Theo sported a smug smile underneath his derby hat. Virginia exhaled dramatically.
“Oh geez, Theo! What would you know about clocks anyway? Albert is a genius. He will have it runnin’ in time for the Jubilee and at high noon he’s going to reveal it to the whole town with its twelve chimes. Saturday’s celebration will go long into the night and with the whole town square lit up and decorated, our beautiful clock tower will be the center piece, finally working again. Isn’t that right Albert?”
She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder but Albert was locking horns with Theo in their stares. Who would look away first? Albert put another fry into his mouth and raised an eyebrow. Theo continued his evil smile and tipped his hat to them both.
“I’m bettin’ ole Albert here is in way over his head. Anyway, don’t put too much hope into it runnin’, Virginia sweetheart. Your daddy will have to hire someone professional from out of town, no doubt. But for the town’s sake, I hope you are right. Would be embarrassin’ if the thang failed on the day of Jubilee. Right Albert?”
“Well I’d ask for your help Theo, but I wouldn’t want you to get your suit dirty. Might get strangled by that tie if it got caught in the teeth of the gears. Dangerous business,” Albert turned to face him directly, smiling back, hands on his thighs.
“Here’s your malt, Virginia honey. Strawberry, your favorite.”
Mable set the glass down and eyed the group and hesitated, first eyeing Theo then Albert, before slowly walking away to fill the coffee cups of the other customers.
“Y’all have a nice day,” Theo said shaking his head and walking outside, doorbell dinging as he left.
“I swear!” Virginia said.
“Oh don’t pay him any mind,” Albert said. He could easily let Theo boil his blood but he chose to focus on how beautiful Virginia looked sitting next to him. “He’s all hat and no cattle. Did I tell you what a purty dress that is?”
She laughed and they turned to face each other on the bar stools. Virginia grabbed her malt and sipped from the straw, never taking her eyes off of Albert. The red from her lipstick leaving a print on her straw made him ache to be that straw. To feel her soft lips on his again, just like they were in the alley between the Maple Creek Hotel and the bank. They’d ducked under the cover of trees when it started to rain, warm, windy, and humid.
Mable placed a large paper sack on the counter. “Here’s the office order, sweetie. I put some ketchup packs in for the Mayor’s hamburger. I know he likes extra. Miss Brittany’s turkey on rye has extra mayo too. The only other order was your Club Sandwich. I will put it all on the tab.”
Virginia finished up her malt and turned to Mable. “Thank you, Mable. It was good to see you. I’m also glad to catch up with Albert, here. He has been working so hard for our town lately, put his meal on the courthouse tab too. I will tell Daddy. It’s the least we can do.”
“Uh, no Mable. Thank ya, Virginia, but no. I pay my own way. It will all come out in my bill to the city. I appreciate it though,” he put a hand over her hand on the counter.
Mable watched him touch Virginia’s hand and she smirked, her shiny brown cheeks curling into a knowing grin as she sashayed away.
“Guess you gotta go now huh?” he leaned in closer to whisper. “When am I gonna see you again. I can’t keep this up much longa, Virginia. I wanna kiss you right now!”
She giggled and touched her flaxen hair. Looking around at the nearly full counter and half full booths, he knew she was surveying the people in there that might talk to her father.
“I will call you tonight. Say nine o’clock? You think you will be home by then?” she asked.
“I’m gonna work as late as I can on the clock so make it ten. But don’t forget. I’m goin’ crazy not being with ya.”
“You gotta take a break for dinner right? I get off at five,” she looked around smiling and stood slowly. “I parked on the corner of The Square. Wait for me by the bank and I will see you thera as I’m walking to my car,” she was smiling and whispering threw her teeth. He had to laugh at how bad she was at this charade. Then suddenly she loudly said, “Ok, well it was so nice getting caught up Albert. Great to see y’all again. Bye Mable!”
He watched her leave as he cleaned his plate of the last fry. He finished his Coke and left money on the counter for Mable. One day, and he hoped it would be soon, he would be able to walk out with Virginia, holding her hand. But if she wanted him to wait for the clock tower reveal to tell her father, then he guessed he could wait a few more days.
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The day drug on as Virginia watched the time move slower and slower, waiting to see Albert again. When five o’clock rolled around, her father and most of the staff had gone because of a last minute firework show emergency. They all went to Lexington to meet with the pyrotechnics to make sure they’d be able to shoot off the fireworks on Saturday’s event. Only Virginia and the secretaries Brittany, and Rose remained.
Maple Creek’s rock, and lead secretary, Rose, sat at the entryway desk grabbing for her purse and smiled as Virginia walked to the huge double doors to leave. The clicking of her heals on the marble floors echoed so loudly that Virginia felt completely conspicuous in the two story foyer of the courthouse.
“Have a good evening sweetheart,” Rose called to her. “It is so good having you work here with your daddy this summer. Your momma would be so proud. I guess you will be moving this fall for school won’t you?”
Rose was like part of her family. She lived in Maple Creek her whole life, knew both Virginia’s parents before she was even born, and when her mother died she was a great comfort to Virginia. This made it difficult to lie to her about Albert. But she knew he was waiting for her and Virginia just wanted to get going and not get into a lengthy discussion about her future.
“I guess so. Well, I will see you tomorrow. Have a good evening Rose. Bye!” and she squeezed through the double doors before Rose could even respond.
Guilt was weighing heavily. Her head swung back and forth, eyes darting, as she walked the sidewalks of The Town Square nervously. Walking first left, then at the corner, she crossed Court Street right, onto Green Street, towards the beautiful Maple Creek Hotel, established in 1886. It stood four stories high and came just before the Maple Creek Bank. Her eyes shifting around looking for Albert. Many people were on the streets now, just leaving work. She made it to the hotel and still no sign of him. As she neared the alley between the hotel and the bank she heard footsteps behind her growing closer. Turning around there he was and she let out a small yelp.
“Easy there beautiful,” he said. He’d taken off his coveralls and wore jeans and a short sleeved button up shirt. His soft, deep voice made her legs feel weak.
“Whera?…whera did you come from?” she looked around a minute then walked over like she was headed to the bank, even though it was closing.
“I was at the hotel. I went inside and looked around a bit. When I saw you through the winda I walked outside.”
He leaned against a post on the sidewalk outside the bank and she leaned against the building, close but not so close they were touching. She wanted to touch him though. Her breathing was rapid. Anxiety mixed with excitement. She was losing control of the façade. A sexy smile across his face, hair hanging down in his eyes, it was apparent that Albert could care less about what others thought. But Virginia just needed to keep their secret a few more days. She had to find a way to convince her father of Albert’s worthiness to be part of their family. Of course she knew he was far more suitable than Theo, but her father had such strong opinions, it scared her to think of what he’d say or do. And despite how difficult she knew her father could be, Virginia loved him very much.
“What are we doin’ Virginia?” Albert stared at her with a coy, teasing smile. His eyes seduced her right there on the street and she was certain anyone walking by would be able to see how badly she wanted to be with him.
She walked into the alley. He slowly followed, she walked the length of the buildings and turned to walk behind the bank and stopped. There was nobody out there. An empty field was behind the buildings, the distance of a full block until Second Street ran parallel behind a row of thickly lined trees. Birds chirped in the summer air. Shadows ran along the back side of the buildings from the trees, and then Albert appeared around the corner. Virginia grabbed his shirt and pressed her lips to his, hard and fast.
They stood against the wall kissing and holding each other, desperate to feel every touch, and knowing the moment wouldn’t last.
“What will you do, Virginia? How will this change once the Jubliee is over? Will you tell your fatha about us?” he asked her between kissing her mouth and ears, and neck.
She couldn’t think. Their kissing had never been so passionate. She dropped her purse, moved her hands through his hair and up and down his chest. The height of him towered above her as she pressed her back against the warmth of the building. He wanted an answer.
“I’m in love with ya Virginia. I want to marry ya.”
She stopped. Her head snapped up to look into his onyx eyes with their dark lashes. His full lips, red with her lipstick and moist from their kisses, said again what she thought she heard the first time.
“I mean it Virginia. I love ya. I want to marry ya. So you’d betta find a way to tell your fatha, before I do it myself.”
And just like that. He handed her back her purse she dropped and walked away from her, wiping her lipstick off his mouth with the back of his hand, then walked back up the alley and onto the street.
When she fixed her dress and hair, Virginia walked back up the alley and over to her car that was on Green Street, just down from the bank. When she got inside, she looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Her lipstick gone, a smile spread across her entire face.
“I love ya too Albert,” she said to herself.
As she pulled out onto the street and drove away, she had no idea that across the street, in the Town Green standing by the fountain, Theo had been watching. He’d seen first Albert walk up the alley alone and watched him turn the corner, back up towards the Town Hall. Then looking back, Theo saw a girl in a red polka-dot dress walking up the same alley. Virginia.
Theo pursed his lips, squinted his eyes, and adjusted his hat. Then turning slowly, he looked up at the clock tower, exhaling smoke from his mouth while teeth clenched his cigarette.
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OK FOLKS… that’s the second post on Chapter One from THE CLOCK TOWER OF MAPLE CREEK. I will continue to post the entire first chapter in segments over the next few weeks. Don’t forget to leave a comment and share on your social media accounts so I can get more feedback.
